Whenever Harish is leaving, Lakshmi does not know what to say. She is very worried for him, then remembers the word that he taught her 'sorry'. She tells him that she is sorry. I think that her heart is breaking on the inside. She loved Harish. Now she knows that he will be out on the streets. He will not have a home, and he surely will not be safe. But most importantly, he will not be there for her. He will not be in Happiness House to teach her English. I think that this is the worst part for Lakshmi. In this situation, she is thinking more about herself than anyone else. Lakshmi always repeats the words 'I am Lakshmi. I am from Nepal. I am thirteen years old.' Harish taught her how to say this. I think these words are a comfort to her. She doesn't totally understand them, they are in another language. At the same time, they are comforting. With most of her life, things that she doesn't understand have turned out to be bad. The words though represent an escape. If she learns the languages she will be able to communicate with others and not be so alone.
An American comes to Lakshmi's room and gives her a card. He tells her that he can get her out of this place. Lakshmi is extremely leery. The girls have been taught that Americans will take them home and make them walk naked in the streets. Mumtaz has truly thought of everything. I think it is so sad that these girls cannot trust anyone who tries to help them. Lakshmi keeps his card because she knows that it is contraband in the house and if anyone saw it, even in the trash, there would be an uproar.
After the raid, Lakshmi cannot find Shahannah. She learns that Shahannah was taken. Why is it that poor Lakshmi loses everyone that she becomes close to? Shahannah was a good friend to her, and she was from the same area as Lakshmi. Lakshmi really has trouble dealing with this. She cannot find a purpose in living anymore. She lays in her bed and does nothing all day. I feel so bad. She must have so much grief to deal with. This isn't just the disappearance of Shahannah, it is the disappearance of her normal life that she is grieving for.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Sold (Not Counting - What Despair Looks Like)
I can't believe that Lakshmi is actually sad that the guy who held her hasn't come back. I don't really understand. Sure, he may have been gentle, but he still took advantage of her. He still went to Happiness House in order to gain pleasure. I feel bad that she is becoming so connected to him. I think she is going to get hurt, because he probably won't come back.
The David Beckham boy's name is Harish. Harish has been teaching Lakshmi many new words. One day he tells her it is the festival of brothers and sisters. He bought her a shiny new yellow pencil. I think that Lakshmi is very surprised about this. No one really shows her much love in Happiness House, and even back at the mountain, they did not have any money to spend on things such as pencils. I think that she is taken aback by such a generous thought. I also think that she is very happy that Harish likes her enough to buy her a gift. She said that the pencil smelled of possibility. I think that it represents what she can learn and write now, but also a brighter future. The pencil is bright yellow, like the sun. I hope it leads Lakshmi to a better place in her life. Lakshmi decides to give Harish a gift. He loves soccer, and kicks around rotten melons all day long. Lakshmi used her old clothes to make him a soccer ball. I think this was very generous. It shows how much Lakshmi likes Harish. Although she can no longer smell the mountain air on those clothes, they still represent her past and are some of the few things she has to remember her home.
Lakshmi gets sick, and Mumtaz has no mercy. She tells her to get out of bed and go to work. She has a high fever, and cannot move and Mumtaz is only thinking of the money she is losing! Soon Mumtaz gives her some pills to take to make her better, but Lakshmi has to pay for them. I don't see how Lakshmi will ever get out of here. Her debts are building up, and she makes very little when you take out all of the things that Mumtaz charges her for. I don't think Mumtaz plans to let her go until she is of no use to Mumtaz.
When Monica returns to the house and tells Lakshmi how her family had disowned her, I think Lakshmi is almost scared. She does not know how Monica got into this place, but surely she didn't come on her own free will. I think she is worried about what her own family will say to her, now that she is a disgrace. I think it is so sad that Monica's family told her own daughter that she had died! Monica worked so hard to pay for everything that her family needed. She finally had enough to pay off Mumtaz and return home, only to find that she is not wanted there, despite everything she had provided them with.
When Harish's mom is sick again, Mumtaz decides to throw them out on the street. The only way she will keep them is if Pushpa (Harish's mom) gives Mumtaz her baby girl for later use. Of course she says no. I cannot imagine someone even daring to ask for a baby girl. Mumtaz is really pure evil. All she thinks about is the price she can fetch for girls. I feel so bad for Harish and his family. They have no money and no place to go! I also feel bad for Lakshmi. She really liked Harish...
The David Beckham boy's name is Harish. Harish has been teaching Lakshmi many new words. One day he tells her it is the festival of brothers and sisters. He bought her a shiny new yellow pencil. I think that Lakshmi is very surprised about this. No one really shows her much love in Happiness House, and even back at the mountain, they did not have any money to spend on things such as pencils. I think that she is taken aback by such a generous thought. I also think that she is very happy that Harish likes her enough to buy her a gift. She said that the pencil smelled of possibility. I think that it represents what she can learn and write now, but also a brighter future. The pencil is bright yellow, like the sun. I hope it leads Lakshmi to a better place in her life. Lakshmi decides to give Harish a gift. He loves soccer, and kicks around rotten melons all day long. Lakshmi used her old clothes to make him a soccer ball. I think this was very generous. It shows how much Lakshmi likes Harish. Although she can no longer smell the mountain air on those clothes, they still represent her past and are some of the few things she has to remember her home.
Lakshmi gets sick, and Mumtaz has no mercy. She tells her to get out of bed and go to work. She has a high fever, and cannot move and Mumtaz is only thinking of the money she is losing! Soon Mumtaz gives her some pills to take to make her better, but Lakshmi has to pay for them. I don't see how Lakshmi will ever get out of here. Her debts are building up, and she makes very little when you take out all of the things that Mumtaz charges her for. I don't think Mumtaz plans to let her go until she is of no use to Mumtaz.
When Monica returns to the house and tells Lakshmi how her family had disowned her, I think Lakshmi is almost scared. She does not know how Monica got into this place, but surely she didn't come on her own free will. I think she is worried about what her own family will say to her, now that she is a disgrace. I think it is so sad that Monica's family told her own daughter that she had died! Monica worked so hard to pay for everything that her family needed. She finally had enough to pay off Mumtaz and return home, only to find that she is not wanted there, despite everything she had provided them with.
When Harish's mom is sick again, Mumtaz decides to throw them out on the street. The only way she will keep them is if Pushpa (Harish's mom) gives Mumtaz her baby girl for later use. Of course she says no. I cannot imagine someone even daring to ask for a baby girl. Mumtaz is really pure evil. All she thinks about is the price she can fetch for girls. I feel so bad for Harish and his family. They have no money and no place to go! I also feel bad for Lakshmi. She really liked Harish...
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Sold (Stealing from the David Beckham Boy - Am I Pretty?)
Lakshmi sees where the David Beckham boy hides his money, and she steals from him. She never touches his money though. Instead she takes his book and reads and pretends to be in school. I think that this shows that Lakshmi has still clung to her personality and stuck to her morals. It would be so easy for her to take his money to help her get out of the Happiness House faster, but all she wants is to learn. She misses being in school, being a student and learning. She still loves what she loved at home. I am really proud of Lakshmi for not stooping low and stealing his money. One day the David Beckham boy sees Lakshmi reading his book. Lakshmi is ashamed of being caught. The boy seems slightly confused that Lakshmi is interested in his book, but offers it back to her to read. She is too ashamed and leaves. Lakshmi hates the look of pity he gave her when he offered her the book. It is like he knows what is going on with her life, which he probably does. Lakshmi does not want to be the girl who is in a terrible situation. She wants to be normal. That is why she pretended to be at school. I think that his look of pity made her realize more strongly that she wasn't at school, but rather in the Happiness House going through torture. The boy has a lot to deal with. He knows what goes on in the house, and he has to deal with the kids at school tormenting him because his mother is a whore. He could be and extremely hostile young kid, but he is not. He loves to play soccer, and even offers to teach Lakshmi different languages. I think that he is an amazing kid just like Lakshmi. Although his situation isn't quite as harsh, he is dealing with a lot as well.
Lakshmi becomes almost confused when one of the men lay with her. He holds her after he is done, affectionately. Lakshmi has never had this happen before, and she becomes attached. She felt like he was after more than just his own pleasure. As strange as it may seem, I think that when he did this he allowed her to reconsider what she thought of herself. She contemplated whether or not she was pretty. I think it is so sad that the slightest bit of gentleness affected Lakshmi in this way. It really shows how badly things are going in the house.
Lakshmi becomes almost confused when one of the men lay with her. He holds her after he is done, affectionately. Lakshmi has never had this happen before, and she becomes attached. She felt like he was after more than just his own pleasure. As strange as it may seem, I think that when he did this he allowed her to reconsider what she thought of herself. She contemplated whether or not she was pretty. I think it is so sad that the slightest bit of gentleness affected Lakshmi in this way. It really shows how badly things are going in the house.
Sold (What Is Normal - What Is Missing Now)
Now that Lakshmi is no longer locked up in her room, Shahannah and some other girls tell her what is normal around the house, what she must do, etc. Lakshmi is surprised at the girls behaviors. They watch soap operas and laugh and do all sorts of things. She cannot imagine being happy while being in this place. Seeing the girls like this makes Lakshmi realize that she is still not one of them. I don't think that Lakshmi will ever be like the other girls. I don't think that she will ever just accept her fate and deal with it. I think she will do what she has to do, but she will work towards leaving. I don't think that Lakshmi wants the luxuries in the house, only to be able to return home when she has paid off her debt.
Lakshmi meets a young boy who is wearing a David Beckham shirt. She does not know his name. I think that Lakshmi may relate to this boy. She does not understand the language he speaks, but I think she feels that despite everything, she is still a child. He is not a whole lot younger than she is, and I think his innocence reminds her of her own childhood. She becomes jealous of him because he doesn't have to go through what she does. He gets to go to school and then come home and play. She realizes that it is wrong to be jealous of him, but at the same time who wouldn't be jealous.
All the girls love babies. They are given shots to prevent pregnancies, but everyone loves the children at the house. They offer an escape for the young girls. The children do not judge them the way that everyone else does. They love unconditionally. Lakshmi has trouble relating to this, but the girls say they need to pretend to get through their lives. I think that Lakshmi can truly relate to this statement. She pretends that what is happening is a nightmare. I think anyone who is in that situation would have to pretend in some way.
Mumtaz takes away all sorts of money from the girls for rent and other things. How unfair is this! How can anyone ever have enough money to leave if they have to pay Mumtaz all that money for things that obviously don't cost the price she is charging. She is trying to make sure that the girls have to stay at Happiness House, and she is doing a great job at it.
Whenever Lakshmi smells her clothes and can no longer smell the mountain, she is in shock. One of her sole comforts in this place was being able to go back home for a few seconds. Now that that is no longer available, Lakshmi starts to accept that she is a different person than she was at home. She has grown up a lot in this place, and though the loss saddens her, she moves on with what she has to do.
Lakshmi meets a young boy who is wearing a David Beckham shirt. She does not know his name. I think that Lakshmi may relate to this boy. She does not understand the language he speaks, but I think she feels that despite everything, she is still a child. He is not a whole lot younger than she is, and I think his innocence reminds her of her own childhood. She becomes jealous of him because he doesn't have to go through what she does. He gets to go to school and then come home and play. She realizes that it is wrong to be jealous of him, but at the same time who wouldn't be jealous.
All the girls love babies. They are given shots to prevent pregnancies, but everyone loves the children at the house. They offer an escape for the young girls. The children do not judge them the way that everyone else does. They love unconditionally. Lakshmi has trouble relating to this, but the girls say they need to pretend to get through their lives. I think that Lakshmi can truly relate to this statement. She pretends that what is happening is a nightmare. I think anyone who is in that situation would have to pretend in some way.
Mumtaz takes away all sorts of money from the girls for rent and other things. How unfair is this! How can anyone ever have enough money to leave if they have to pay Mumtaz all that money for things that obviously don't cost the price she is charging. She is trying to make sure that the girls have to stay at Happiness House, and she is doing a great job at it.
Whenever Lakshmi smells her clothes and can no longer smell the mountain, she is in shock. One of her sole comforts in this place was being able to go back home for a few seconds. Now that that is no longer available, Lakshmi starts to accept that she is a different person than she was at home. She has grown up a lot in this place, and though the loss saddens her, she moves on with what she has to do.
Sold (Between Twilights - New Girl)
Lakshmi smells her old clothes each day to help her remember her home, her family, the mountain, and the innocence that could be found there. What is happening to her is very hard, so this small thing to summon what used to be helps her to cope with everything she is going through. It is so ironic that she can picture her old home in this room that is the opposite of what she dreams of. Lakshmi has now been raped so many times that she knows exactly what you hear, the dreadful sounds that occur before the torture begins. Now that she recognizes these sounds, I think it must be much harder for her to accept. When you don't know what is going to happen to you, it is not as bad as knowing what is coming and anticipating it all the while. I don't think that it is fair that the girls are not allowed to have the men use protection! Mumtaz really doesn't care about them at all. Doesn't she know the dangers? I guess she assumes that if they get a disease she can throw them out on the streets and buy new girls. I just don't understand how someone can be so heartless and not feel anything towards the girls she has bought. She is using them to make her rich, and she doesn't care about anything else. The girls are told to wash after each customer. Lakshmi feels so guilty about what she has done. She scrubs herself so hard, but no matter what she does she cannot scrub the men from her conscious. I can imagine she would feel terrible, but I just want to tell her that it is not her fault. She can't help what is going on!
Lakshmi is having trouble remembering her home, and at the same time is having trouble forgetting what is happening. I loved the end of the chapter, "Trying to remember, I have learned, is like trying to clutch a handful of fog. Trying to forget, like trying to stop the monsoon". How true is it that you can never remember things that you really want to remember, but when you want a memory to leave it never does. Forgetting her home is going to be very hard for Lakshmi. That is the only reason she is here going through what she is going through. Lakshmi keeps count of how much she makes and how much she needs to pay off Mumtaz. Mumtaz claims that she paid 20,000 rupees for her, and send her off into the house with the rest of the girls. This is so unfair! Mumtaz is trying to make it impossible for Lakshmi to leave, and the truth is that Lakshmi cannot do anything about it. How can she prove that 10,000 rupees were paid? Lakshmi considers this worse than what the men do to her. Mumtaz is forcing her to staly longer, making it harder for her to leave. But most importantly, Mumtaz is trying to pull a fast one on the smartest girl in her school. Lakshmi knows that Mumtaz is lying, making it all the worse.
Lakshmi is having trouble remembering her home, and at the same time is having trouble forgetting what is happening. I loved the end of the chapter, "Trying to remember, I have learned, is like trying to clutch a handful of fog. Trying to forget, like trying to stop the monsoon". How true is it that you can never remember things that you really want to remember, but when you want a memory to leave it never does. Forgetting her home is going to be very hard for Lakshmi. That is the only reason she is here going through what she is going through. Lakshmi keeps count of how much she makes and how much she needs to pay off Mumtaz. Mumtaz claims that she paid 20,000 rupees for her, and send her off into the house with the rest of the girls. This is so unfair! Mumtaz is trying to make it impossible for Lakshmi to leave, and the truth is that Lakshmi cannot do anything about it. How can she prove that 10,000 rupees were paid? Lakshmi considers this worse than what the men do to her. Mumtaz is forcing her to staly longer, making it harder for her to leave. But most importantly, Mumtaz is trying to pull a fast one on the smartest girl in her school. Lakshmi knows that Mumtaz is lying, making it all the worse.
Sold (A Cup of Lassi - Hurt)
How disgusting it is to trick Lakshmi like that! She thought that she was getting a treat, but then she was paralyzed and unable to defend herself. Habib, then many other men, take advantage of her while she cannot move. Mumtaz forces the Lassi down her throat each day. Lakshmi cannot handle what is going on in her life. She knows that some of the things she sees are real, but some (such as her Ama) are not real. She convinces herself that what is happening to her is a nightmare. I cannot imagine trying to live like this. You would have to pretend it was not happening to get through it. Lakshmi is hurt. She sees that she has become just like one of the other girls, no matter how hard she fought against it. She really doesn't care much about life right now. She must feel so worthless, not being able to control her own destiny. She had never had much control over her life. Her stepfather was always powerful and controlling, he did after all sell her into this fate. However, when Lakshmi was at home, she could control herself. She may not get to choose everything or make all the decisions, but she could mostly decide who she was and how she was going to behave. Right now she does not have that choice. She is forced the Lassi, which then makes her be forced into being with the men that night. To have to go through that would be unbelievable. I don't think you could get through it without pretending that it was not real. Lakshmi has a long road ahead of her, I hope that she can find some light in the despairing world she is in...
Sold (Three Days and Three Nights - A Pronouncement)
Lakshmi is beaten severely. She has welts everywhere on her body, including her feet. Mumtaz asks if she will be with men now, and she refuses. She has such a strong will. As much as I don't want her to have to go through with this torture, I think that what Mumtaz can do to her may be worse than just accepting her fate. Lakshmi is strong though. Mumtaz says she will make her go hungry until she decides to be with the men. I think this is funny. Mumtaz obviously forgets where Lakshmi is from, because Lakshmi is very accustomed to dealing with hunger. She has gone without food, eaten rice with dirt, etc. She knows the tricks of the trade when it comes to hunger. I think that Lakshmi is almost strengthened by this challenge, because while hunger is terrible, she knows how to deal with it. She has never had to deal with the beatings before. After more than five days without drink or food, Shahannah comes and brings Lakshmi tea. Lakshmi does not want to take it at first, but realizes how hungry she is and decides to drink it. Shahanna is trying to give Lakshmi some hope, telling her that her hair is growing back. Then she tells her that she needs to do what Mumtaz tells her in order to live. I think that Shahanna feels somewhat responsible for Lakshmi because they are from the same area. She is trying to protect her. Lakshmi is still keeping her will and says she will not disgrace herself in this way. I can't imagine being in Lakshmi's position. I don't know that I would be as strong as her. Mumtaz announces that she will let her live. I want to know what this means. Something bad is going to happen. Mumtaz would not just let Lakshmi sit in her room. I only hope that Lakshmi will be alright.
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